Silent Howls
by Darks00
Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved...
1. Prologue

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

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**_Chapter 1: Prologue_**

I was screaming. Screaming as loud as I can. But, for some reason I can't understand, no one can hear my cries - my silent howls.

I didn't understand why I was given a body, but dead inside. Why I was put on this Earth just to die.

My name is Sasuke Uchia and I am only seventeen years old.

Watch my tears fall as they tell a story.

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_**Friday, Marchi 13th, 6:02 AM**_

"Sasuke, are you okay?" Kakashi asked me with concern in his voice.

Naruto, Sakura and myself were training with Kakashi at the training grounds. I was throwing Kunai's at a near by tree for target pratice and Kakashi noticed I wasn't doing as good as I usually do.

"Of course," I said with annoyance, "just didn't get much sleep last night."

I didn't get much sleep for I was haunted with nightmares. I could feel my eyes were drooping, begging for sleep and my body could hardly keep it's self up.

I threw another kunai at the tree. This time, I didn't even hit the tree. I just heard it fall onto the grass.

Kakashi looked at me with his one visable eye, his eyebrow raising with curiousity. I gave him a death glare.

"Sasuke, I think you did enough pratice today. You may leave." Kakashi granted.

I was about to protest, but Kakashi gave me a glare that showed me I had no choice. "Fine."

As I left, I heard Naruto cry out in his loud voice, "Hey! We're you going, Sasuke?"

"He's not feeling well. He's going home," Kakashi answered him.

"Poor Sasuke," said Sakura.

It was then I started to feel funny. My eyes felt like they were as heavy as bricks, my legs feeling like rubber. I started shaking.

I guess Kakashi saw me, for he said, "Sasuke, you okay?"

I didn't answer, for I couldn't. The next thing I knew, everything went black and I fell to the ground.

Darkness welcomed me home.

_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	2. Thoughts of Darkness

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

**_Thanks for all the great reviews, guys! You rock!_**

**_- Darks_**

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**_Chapter 2: Thoughts of Darkness_**

Darkness...Both a blessing and a curse.

A blessing for it covers you like a blanket - so warming, so inviting. Even when no one accepts you, darkness always will. Darkness will always be with you, never leave you when everyone else has abondoned you. It's forever, it will never leave you. It fills the whole in your heart. The darkness hides you protectively, so you can be alone when you really need it. It's soothing for the mind and helps you think.

You're never alone with darkness.

But, the curse of darkness...

Is once you accept darkness, darkness will never ever leave you. Sooner or later, it will take over you until you are no longer who you are. Just a shadow of who you once where.

How do I know this? For I'm Sasuke, and I'm lost in darkness...Forever.

Is it worth it is the real question, though. Sometimes, I wonder, but there's no turning back now.

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**_Friday, March 13th, 7:00 AM_**

I was dreaming.

I was dreaming of a time I was once happy. With my father, my mother and my brother before he turned evil. BUt that was a long time ago when I was only seven years old. It seems so far away.

But, soon the dreams just turn into flames of Itachi killing my clan.

As soon as I re-watched my nightmare of every night, I heard someone calling my name.

"Sasuke...Sasuke..." I heard someone calling me, slowly getting louder and louder.

I opened my eyes, brought back to reality. I saw Kakashi, Sakura and Naruto starring at me with worried looks.

Kakashi picked me up under the arm pits and helped me to my feet. "That's right, shake it off," he muttered to me.

"What happened," I asked drowsily.

"You fainted," said Sakura slowly, "It seems like out of exhaustion."

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?" asked Naruto.

"Just a little insomnia, nothing else," I said defensively.

They didn't need to know about my nightmares. Only child have nightmares, not ninjas.

"I'll walk you home, Sasuke," said Kakashi, then looked at Sakura and Naruto, "Naruto - pratice on your clone jutsu. Sakura...Er, Sakura I have nothing for you right now, just make sure Naruto doesn't kill himself."

Sakura laughed and Naruto cried out a "hey!"

I felt like a child again, my sensei walking me home. We walked in silence for the first few minutes to my house, then Kakashi broke the silence.

"You know, Sasuke, you can tell me anything," he said in his usual calm voice.

His voice sounded like he cared and didn't care at the same time. Needless to say, this question took me by surprise.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked my eyebrows raising with annoyance.

"You know what I mean," Kakashi said his voice sounding sarcastic, "you seem very distracted. Your grades are starting to slip."

"That's none of your concern!" I yelled.

Whoops. I didn't mean to yell.

Kakshi studied me carefully. "Look, I can't make you talk, but when you're ready, you know where to find me."

It took me a second to realize we reached my house. I took my key out of my short pocket and unlocked the door.

"Get some sleep, okay?" Kakashi asked, starting to walk away.

I nodded.

When I walked in, I slammed the door behind me.

Thoughts were racing in my mind.

Sakura and me got in a big fight last week. Sakura was flirting with me, and I got annoyed and I yelled at her. Ever since then, Sakura has been ignoring me. Telling me I fainted from exhaustion today was the first thing she said to me all week.

Naruto has been getting more and more competive with me. It's tiring feeling like you have to prove yourself.

Kiba and me became enemies. Our fighting just started verbal, him telling me I'm too stuck up, me telling him he's a worthless dog. But after he found out that Sakura and me got in a fight, he took Sakura's side and our fighting got physical.

I can't concitrate in school nor training. Not with nightmares coming to me every night, making me feel like I got no sleep. My life has hit rock bottom.

I heard of self-abuse before. Everyone jokes about it, calling them emo and useless, always crying. But I can't help to admit I was curious why people did it. It didn't make sense to me. Why would people hurt themselves?

Curiousity got the best of me. What made people hurt themselves? I wonder how it feels...I guess it helps people get over their problems. I was willing to try anything yo kill the pain.

I went to the washroom and looked in the mirror. What looked back at me was terrible. My raccoon eyes, so pale, my clothes covered in grass from falling earlier. I opened the mirror and found a blade. The night of the washroom shined on the blade, giving it more effect and dramatic.

I put out my right wrist as I closed my eyes, shaking with excitement, my heart racing. I put the blade to my wrist, and slid the razor.

What I didn't know was this was a beginning of a more serious problem.

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_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	3. Fighting With Myself

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

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_**I WOULD LOVE TO SAY SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. **_

_**This story is NOT making fun of abusers. I'm writing this story to make a point - the pain self abusers go through. People who make fun of self abusers just don't understand deeper stuff. This story is also not encouraging self abusers. This story is meant explain self abusers and to show the effects of what self abuse gets you. PLEASE keep this in mind.**_

**_Thanks for all the great reviews!_**

**_- darks_**

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_**Chapter 3: Fighting With Myself**_

**_Fighting is necessary in life. I always did believe that. _**

**_Sometimes, you need to fight to stand up for yourself. Sometimes, fighting is the only way to make your point. This is how I saw my fighting with Kiba. He believed I was wrong getting mad at Sakura for always flirting with me and yelling at her that I got so frustrated. But, he never did see my side. He never saw how I'm too afraid to love, too afraid to get close to anyone. Sometimes yelling is the only way someone will listen to you. I felt I had to voice myself to get Sakura to listen to me, and I was right. I feared that if Sakura`s flirting continued, I would freak out on her and do something I regretted. There`s always at least two sides to a story. There`s always different prespectivesfor everyone. As long as there`s humans, there will always be fighting to voice opinions - that`s why we all fight, verbally and or physically. _**

**_Fighting can help us reach an understand with peole...Or make it worse. Fighting made Kiba and me enemies. We resort to fighting when the other doesn't listen. Is it worth it? I'm not sure. But I do know one thing. Fighting makes us alive. It gives us a rush, something to live for to make a point._**

**_But my question is, am I supposed to fight with myself?_**

* * *

_**Friday, March 13th, 8:03 AM**_

It was like I was hypnotized by the blade in my hand. It was like instinct to slit my wrists. Digging in deeper and deeper, the more better I felt. You know when you know you're about to feel pain and you tense up? And when the pain is over, then you get this relief feeling that feels so good you can't explain it. This is how the blade felt towards me.

My blood started to drip down to my hands, then down to the floor. I let out a gasp of relief. I continued to cut until I felt it no more. Blood dripped from my blade and from my finger tips - my blood.

Then it hit me when I stopped - what if someone found out about my secret? My new secret to relief stress? They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was a freak. I remembered I had a black hoody in my closet in my room that I never wore in ages. I decided I would wear that for awhile to hide my wounds - physically and mentally. I fell to the floor and started to cry, starring at my pool of blood, seeing my reflection in it. I cried for my pain. Cried for all I wanted but never had. Streaks of water ran down my face. I put my face in my hands, letting myself cry till I felt numb. When I stopped, I cleaned the blood off the floor, sighing at the mess I made. What made an Uchia so weak? Itachi was never weak, so why was I? I then noticed the giant gash on my arm where I just slashed up. I remembered that Sakura taught me how to do stitches one time, after Naruto hit me with a kunai by accident by clumsy aiming. I stitched up my wounds, put polysporn on it then put a giant bandage on it.

When I looked at my arm, it gave me a sick feeling. I couldn`t believe what I have just done. What would Itachi think of me if he knew? He'd call me weak, make fun of me. No. He wouldn't find out. This will be my secret.

Deciding I was hungry, I went to my fridge. I noticed t was pretty much empty. Darn. I guess I have to grow to the grocery store now. Maybe even go to that ramen shop that Naruto always goes to, I forget what it's called. Before I went out, I knew I had to wear my hoody - just incase. I couldn't let others see my wounds.

Walking out the door while putting my hoody on, I then locked my door behind me then put my key in my shorts pocket. The day was beautiful - the sun shining dully on everything, giving everything a shady, mysterious look. I knew it wasn't going to last long, though, for I saw dark clouds dancing in the sky. I knew I had to hurry.

Walking down a bikepath shaded by trees, I noticed there was Kiba and Akamaru out for a walk. Great. Last thing I wanted. But I'm a Uchia. I'm not afraid of anything and do not run away from anything. My ego getting the best of me, I walked calmly by Kiba. Unfortunately, Kiba noticed me.

"Hey, Uchia, why don't you get murdered yourself like your clan?" Taunted Kiba.

I flinched at the mention of my clan. I stopped for a second, contemlating what to do. I decided it was then best to ignore him and continue on my journey. I started to walk slowly again towards my destination.

"Hey, don't ignore me!" Kiba cried out, Akarmuru barking in agreement.

I was going to continue to walk when Kiba quickly grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. Tooken by surprise, Kiba took this chance to punch me in the face.

I flinged backwards, falling to the ground. Anger filled my veins, as I pushed myself off the ground. I growled as I punched Kiba in the chest. He gasped for breath, kicking me in the shin. Ignore the pain, I continued to fight. Even Akarmaru was bitting my leg.

The rain started to pour on Kiba and me at that second, soaking Kiba, Akarmaru and me. We were using all our strength to fight each other, getting outselves cut up and bruised. The rain wet our hair, pasting it to our faces. I then slipped from the rain onto the ground. My eyes widened as I was defenceless to Kiba's fist. I was waiting for the impact, but it never did come. I then saw why. Someone was holding his wrist from hitting me. It was Kakashi. Kiba gasped in surprise. "Sensei..."

"You know, this is child's play," he muttered beneath his mask.

He then pressed hard on Kiba's wrist, making him scream. He then let go of Kiba.

"Now go home," Kakashi ordered.

Kiba obeyed, taking Akamaru with him. Kakashi lifted out his hand to help me up.

Instead of thanking him, I said rudely, "what are you doing here?"

"Well, truth be told," he began, "I was going to your house to see how you were doing."

That hit my by surprise. Kakashi cared for me? No. That's not right. No one ever cared for me. Even the ones who cared about me hurt me.

"I'll walk you home," he concluded.

I felt like a child for the second time that day. In the past hour, Kakashi walked me home twice. Who does he think I am, some weakling who needs to be looked after? Sighing, I knew it was pointless to argue with Kakashi. When we got to my house, Kakashi walked to my washroom and grabbed towels for himself and me. He then told me to go get changed. He left me in my bedroom to get changed.

When I was done, Kakashi came back in. "You know, I think you should go back to bed. You're obviously not feeling one hundred percent today."

I said nothing, but I agreed. I went into my bed, letting the softness warm me. I was about to pull the blankets up towards me, but Kakashi beated me to it. He pulled the blankets to my chest.

"Do you need anything else?" He asked me.

I shook my head no, in shock that Kakashi tucked me in. I don't remember the last time I was tucked it. It was...Different.

"Remember, my offer to lend an ear is always open," he said.

I nodded, closing my eyes.

"I'll come back soon to check on you. Take care, Sasuke."

He left, shutting the door behind him.

I couldn't tell or show anyone my problems. I then let darkness took over me and fell asleep.

_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	4. Toss of a Coin

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

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_**WOW. And I mean WOW. Thanks alot guys for putting me on your favs and alerts, guys! Usually I don't get much of reviews for my stories till near the end of the story, lol, but now I got it early! Thanks a lot! You guys rock! **_

**_- darks_**

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_**Chapter 4: Toss of a Coin**_

**_Life is like a toss of a coin._**

**_It's random. Sometimes, you're on top, sometimes you're on bottom. When you through a coin in the air, both sides fight to be on top - but they both end up falling to the ground. To me, this resembles when people fight - fighting to be on top. When we fight, the two people or more who are fighting both lose something - whether it is pride, self confidence, happiness and/or their humanity - both acting like they're animals, they're both going down like a coin toss. _**

**_Right now I felt like I was the bottom of the coin - not to be seen, but still there. You can't predict life nor can you predict the outcome of a coin toss. There are always two sides to a coin - both opposite of each other. Fighting's like that - two points of views, opposite of each other, just like Kiba and me. Both fighting to be on top, both wanting to be better then the other. Something I did realize was that someone always had to lose. _**

**_The more you flip a coin in the air, hoping the side you picked comes up on top, the more frustrated you get when it doesn't happen. You can always flip as much as you want, but always, always you will have both your time on top and your time on the bottom. No one remains on the top forever. That's life. _**

**_So when is it my turn to be on top?_**

* * *

_**Friday, March 13th, 1:11 PM**_

I opened my eyes from my nap, though I didn't want to see another day. All days are the same to me - get ready for school, training with Kakashi, fight with Kiba, go home. I was tired of it. I decided to change it. I want to feel like I was in control of something in my life - like abusing myself. But what I didn't know was I was actually losing control of who I am.

But, I'll tell you one thing. This is the first time I slept well for years. I guess abusing myself put the stress away for me and calmed me down. Yet at the same time, it disgusted me and hurt me so much I've become something that everyone jokes about so much and think it's funny when it's far from it. They don't understand until they're in my shoes, and perhaps they'll never understand.

It was like the blade in the washroom was calling me, hypnitizing me to go to it. Telling me that it can make me feel better. That my thoughts of pain will only stop if I abuse myself. I guess I fell for it's trap. Going to the washroom for the second time today, I wanted to do this and didn't want to do this at the same time. But I'd do anything - anything to make the pain go away.

I wanted that stinging sensation that made me forget my problems, even for a moment. The rush it gives you to feel alive as your blood drips from you. At the time, I didn't think this was a problem, but I was wrong.

I let the blood flow out of me with the blade, closing my eyes in relief. At the same time, tears dripped from my eyes, disturbed what I have to do to feel better. I was shaking while doing this, so afraid someone would come in and find out my secret, even though I was confident no one would come and visit me today. It's rare I get visitors. When the feeling sensation of relief stopped, so did the abuse. I cleaned up my wounds and again had to stitch them up. But what was disturbing is when you're out of that hypnotic spell of the blade, you realize the damage you done when you see your own blood on the floor. Of course, I was use to seeing my blood in battle, but this is different. I caused this.

And I didn't want to stop.

* * *

MEANWHILE, KAKASHI`S POINT OF VIEW:

I knew something was wrong with Sasuke, I knew this while walking home. But I couldn`t prove it, but I could see it in his eyes. His eyes were dull with pain and were begging for help. But he refuse to let me nor anyone else. I knew I had to force Sasuke in order to find out what was wrong. I decided to take the matters into my own hands and decided to talk to Tsunade about it. Maybe she'll know what to do.

I knocked on her office door and heard her say an annoyed "come in". I didn't care if she was annoyed, this couldn't wait. I opened the door and want in. Of course, Tsunade was in her big hokage chair and Shizune was being loyal right beside her side.

"Shizune, may I please have a word with Tsunade...Alone?" I asked her.

The less people who knew about my suspicion of a problem. Sasuke would be madder then a hornet if he knew I was talking to Tsunade about him.

Shizune gave Tsunade a look, a body gesture asking her if it was okay for her to leave. Tsunade nodded telling her it was okay to leave. Shizune, with a sigh, left closing the door behind her.

"Sit down, Kakashi," Tsunade invited pointing out the chair in front of her desk.

When I did, she said, "and what would you like to talk about today, Kakashi?"

"I know this sounds silly, but there's something wrong with Sasuke," I said trying to pick my words carefully.

"Your point?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He's my pupil, okay? He's like my kid. His scores in schooling are failing, he's not concentrating during training, it's not like him. I can see it in his eyes something is wrong."

"Kakashi, what do you want to me do? You must have a plan if you came to me..."

"Yes, I do. I, Kakashi Hatake suggest that Sasuke Uchia lives with me for awhile until I find out what is wrong and fix the problem."

"Kakashi, don't you think you're over reacting? I mean, there may be nothing wrong with him, maybe he's just being a typical teenager."

"No. I know Sasuke better then anyone else, I know something is wrong. Something big. And everyone does whatever they can do to protect their loved ones."

"Even so, you still have no proof," concluded Tsunade.

"I don't need proof, I know."

"But I need proof. I know Sasuke would disaprove of this, so I need a reason why I should accept this. Besides, why do you care about Sasuke so much?"

"Because he reminds me so much of me and I don't want people to have the same past as myself."

She then moved forward on her chair, putting her elbows on her desk and resting her chin on her hands, then said, "if you give me proof that something is seriously wrong with Sasuke, I will give you the right to be Sasuke's guardian until further notice. But until then, things will remain the way things are. Besides, what makes you think Sasuke would move in with you even if I approved of this poposal?"

"He wouldn't," I admitted, "but I will take him by force if I have to. I would do anything for that child, Tsunade. He's like the son I never had, but always wanted. I will do whatever I need to do to to save that child."

"I never saw this side of you before, Kakashi," said Tsunade with surprise.

"I never saw this side of Sasuke before," I said back.

"Then show me proof. Anything will do. I'm sorry, Kakashi, even though I highly trust you, I can't give you special treatment just because of that."

"I understand. I will get you proof and I will help Sasuke," I told her while I started to get up.

I then left her office, my thoughts following me like a shadow. I can't explain it. When you have a special relationship with someone (love or just friendship, in my case, friendship), and when you're with someone together almost everyday, you learn things about them that most people don't know of - example is their body language. You can just tell when your loved one's hurting no matter how hard they try to hide it. This is why I was so confident something was wrong with Sasuke.

But, how was I going to get proof something is wrong with Sasuke? No matter the costs, I will save Sasuke. I decided I should go see how Sasuke was doing now, and to see why Kiba and him were fighting about this morning. He's probably awake by now.

But the hardest part of getting proof that something's wrong with Sasuke is breaking down Sasuke's barriers he's created around himself.

_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	5. The Cup of Water

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

* * *

_**ERGH! Sorry for the long update, guys. I...I have no excuse to be honest, lol. Please forgive darksie. Thanks a lot for all your support! **_

**_- darks_**

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_**Chapter 5: The Cup Of Water**_

**_Here's an interesting saying. Is this cup of water half full...Or half empty?_**

**_If you say half full, that means you're happy with what you got. If you say half empty, you aren't happy with what you got. It's saying it's all on how you look at things. That's what the saying seems to be when you look past the shell, you see the true meaning to this saying._**

**_Thinking deeper, it means there are more than one way to look at something, just like there are more than one ways to look at that glass filled to the middle of the cup. I guess you can apply this to us humans, too. There's way more than one way to look at others._**

**_Even more deeper, this saying shows us that sometimes we have to be happy with what we got. We should be happy we have half a cup of water still, not be disappointed it's half empty. It shows us it's all depends on how we look at things. Though it may look bad at first, it can be good. Though I think my problems right now are bad, I can see it as an obstacle to get over - call it a training exercise - to make me stronger. _**

**_But what I am going to say to that cup of water, is: are you going to drink that? For I have no good nor bad perspective on life. I see no point. I just don't want to care anymore. _**

**_But, that cup of water can fall over and break on the floor, to millions of pieces..._**

**_Just like me. _**

**_Then what happens? How do you see that cup of water now? _**

* * *

_**Thursday, March 19th, 7:29 PM**_

**_SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW:_**

Things started to go down hill ever since I started my...Habit.

Sakura and me didn't even talk to each other anymore. Not even during training. During missions, we would only talk to the only one as the last option.

Naruto kept on pestering me to keep on training with me, which didn't' impress me. Not with these constant headaches of mine and not to mention my poisonous thoughts.

Kakashi always kept on coming over to my house - every single day. He would always ask how I'm doing, and I would always give him the same reply - I'm fine. But in reality, I'm not. I'm far from fine but I don't need any help. I refuse to admit that. He kept on trying to get me to open up to him, but I always lightly pushed the subject away. I knew he was suspicious of my behavior, but he couldn't prove it.

Kiba and my fighting never ceased. In fact, it kept on getting worse. It got to the point where we have to get stitches. Of course, I did my own stitching, for it was on the same arm that I...I took my anger on. I couldn't let anyone see my physical abuse that I had created to myself.

Oh, and I was constantly reminded of my mistakes. Bright, red angry scars always starred back at me whenever I looked at my arm. It was so hideous. I knew they were never going to go away. I always had to hide them with my black sweater. I convinced myself it is best if no one knows. Besides, I didn't want to see my mistakes on my arm. I'm a Uchia. I'm supposed to be perfect.

Speaking my habbit, it only got worse.

I kept on asking myself, why live when we're going to die? Is it worth living for all this pain?

I even started writing poetry. But, dark poetry. At least it helped my pain a little bit. I had a booklet in my house full of poems. In fact, I was writing now, titling it "17", letting the words float to my fingers and writing gently on the piece of paper in front of me with a dark, red pen.

When I was done, I realized I was late for a mission with Sakura (crap) and Naruto (annoying). We were going on a C ranked mission alone. Kakashi said something about having other repsonsibilities he had to attend to. Not thinking, I quickly dropped my poetry book on my table, not considering it was out in the open for everyone to see...

KAKASHI'S POINT OF VIEW:

I remember telling my students I had other responsibilities to for fill so I couldn't go on the mission with them. I hate lying to them, but I had no choice. I still needed proof that something was wrong with Sasuke. I hid in the bushes, quietly as I could and watched Sasuke lock the door behind him and jump into the trees, off to his mission.

Perfect. Now time for my mission - find proof of something's wrong with Sasuke and to save him.

It was easy to get Sasuke's lock off with my jutsu. Only jonnins know this justsu for security reasons, obviously. Sometimes a jonnin would have to go get a student in the middle of the night for an important mission or something so that's why only we know it and are trusted with it.

Opening Sasuke's door, the door squeaked open with life. Shadows covered the house. I didn't bother turning on the lights, it was still pretty light out. I found a notebook which I assumed was his personal diary. Now, I know it's wrong to snoop, but this is important. An emergency.

I picked up the book, and found it was Sasuke's poetry book. Huh. Sasuke writing poetry. Never saw that coming. I opened the book, and began to read a poem called "17":

**_I'm only 17_**

**_Been depressed at 13_**

**_Bullying issues_**

**_Took up so many tissues_**

**_I know no one loves me_**

**_That Death was calling to set me free_**

**_My heart was broken_**

**_My innocence taken_**

**_Till an empty shell is all that is left_**

**_Everyone leaving me for Death_**

**_17, no where to go_**

**_I couldn't let my scars show_**

**_School was dreadful_**

**_I tried my best to be forgetful_**

**_Physical and mental scars show_**

**_As my haltered grows_**

**_Dead inside_**

**_Yet alive outside_**

**_I lost the will to live_**

**_I have nothing left to give_**

**_My heart is broken, sharp pieces_**

**_Full of disease_**

**_There must be something wrong with me_**

**_So let my blade and me be_**

**_Now bleeding on the floor_**

**_I never went this far before_**

**_My heart begs me to go on_**

**_My soul wants to move on_**

**_This time I wasn't denied -_**

**_So many tears I cried_**

**_At age 17 was the day I died_**

**_For today was my last day _**

**_With nothing left to say_**

**_For today was the day I murdered myself_**

It was one of those things were so terrible. So terrible, you wanted to look away, except you couldn't. Just like a train wreck. I re-read the last line over and over again.

For today was the day I murdered myself...

Oh my God...Sasuke was going to kill himself...Today!

I had to stop this. I just have to or I'll never forgive myself.

I never ran so fast in my life to go to Tsunade with Sasuke's poetry book. This is my proof that something is wrong with Sasuke.

AT TUNSADE'S OFFICE:

I barged into Tsunade's office, not even knocking. Tsunade looked up from her paper work with curiosity on her face. I went up to her desk, slapping Sasuke's poetry book on the table.

"What is this?" Tsunade asked, looking at the book like it was going to kill her.

"It's Sasuke's poetry book. Read it." I commanded.

She opened it. First, she studied the hand writing.

"This is hand writing is definitely Sasuke's," she admitted.

When she read the book, she gasped, holding the book with one hand, putting her other hand on her mouth.

"My God, you were right, Kakashi," she muttered.

"Do I have permission to be Sasuke's guardian until he is well?" I asked her with hope in my voice.

"Yes. I just have some paper work for you to fill out, first. You and Sasuke will be exempted from all missions till further notice." She said.

"Thank you," I said.

After signing the papers, I began to walk out the door, until Tsunade called my name. I stopped but said nothing, signalling I heard her.

"Take care of him, okay?" She asked with desperation.

"With my life," I answered.

Leaving Tsunade's office, I knew it was going to be nearly impossible to convince Sasuke to live with me. I knew I would have to use force.

Sasuke is going to have a surprise when he comes home from his mission today...

_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	6. My Immortal

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

* * *

_**My apologizes for the long update. I wait for the ideas to come to me not hurting myself trying to think of them, lol. Thanks for all the support! There's this one kid (I'm sure it's the same kid since they're chicken for they're anoymonous) I don't know to take her as a compliment or an insult. She keeps on messaging me to update and pretty rude, too. *shrugs while laughing* all well. Pisses me off how rude people are. That's why I know longer take anoynoumous reviews so if you are rude to me I'll be rude back, lol, so my apologizes to the nice anymousnous reviewers out there, but that's my reason. Thanks again. Take care.**_

**_- darks_**

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

_**Chapter 6: My Immortal**_

**_In movies, books and TV shows, it's quiet often you see one of the characters wanting to become immortal. One question: why?_**

**_If anyone in the world became immortal, life would have no more meaning. What I mean is, we treasure our lives for we all know it's not forever. Treasuring live would mean nothing if you were immortal. You would be going through the lonely dark world, watching all your loved ones die yet you can't. You will never reunite with your loved ones in the after life. What would be the reason to live if you were immortal? You can still feel pain and will forever suffer the fact that your body will never be put to rest. Sooner or later you would welcome Death. Death gives life meaning. Death, sadly, makes us closer to people and brings people together. _**

**_What I mean by this, is that a person who is self-abusive sees this. That immortality is impossible and we are all going to die sooner or later and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Why live when you're going to lose everything anyways? At least this way you know how you're going to die..._**

**_BUT I WAS WRONG._**

**_Even though you will die in the future, it is worth the price of living. Even when Death forfills his promise to end your life, it will be worth it for the time on Earth. We are all connected. When one person dies, at least one person besides the person dead if effected deeply. We all have the power to inpact another's life - either for the better or worse. So, if someone kills themselves, that person who died will never expect what happens to the people they left on Earth. _**

**_I learnt this the hard way._**

* * *

_**Thursday, March 19th, 10:36 PM**_

**_SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW:_**

It was certainly a surprise when I got home that day from my mission. I knew something was wrong for the door was unlocked. Thinking back, I clearly remebered I did in fact lock the door. Opening the door with a kunai in my hand for a precaution just incase it was a robber or something, I slammed the door open. On top guard, I looked around the house, surprised to see nothing was missing nor anything out of place.

I then went into the living room where I saw Kakashi sitting on my brown couch, looking at me with that lazy grin of his.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, confused.

"Hi, nice to see you, too," he said sarcasticly back.

I rolled my eyes. "Answer the question."

"I'm here to take you home with me."

This took me by surprise. "Wait, no. I'm happy living by myself, you know that. Remember when you told me it was a good idea to move in with Naruto and I did for you forced me to and it was a living inferno?"

Now Kakashi rolled his one eye. "Yes, that one was a mistake, but this time it isn't."

Kakashi got off my couch with a sigh and walked up to me. He put a hand on my shoulder which I shoved off. He sighed. "Trust me, Sasuke. I'm your sensei I only want the best for you."

"Then tell me why you want me wot move in with you, then!" I demanded.

"It's complicated," he replied hesitately.

"How can a reason be complicated?" I asked him raising an eyebrow.

"Is it so hard to trust me?" Kakashi threw back at me.

"Well, yes, considering the fact I trusted my brother the most and he killed my clan!" I almost screamed at him.

Silence.

"Now I'm not your brother nor I'm anything like him," Kakashi started, "don't you know you remind me so much as myself as a young kid?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It means why would I want to hurt you if you remind me of myself?"

"You still didn't answer the question, why do you want me to live with you?"

"Just for a while. I have my reasons, trust me on that. It is also been approved my Tsunade."

"Tsunade agreed to this?"

"Yes, she did."

"Why?"

"She has her reasons."

"Stop saying 'they have their reasons!'"

"I'm sure you have your reasons to say that."

Being annoyed, I dropped the conversation.

"Look, Sasuke," Kakashi began, "this is Tsunade's orders. If you don't, we will force you. It's orders from hokage."

"How do I know you're not lying about this?"

"Have I ever lied to you before?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Then what's the problem?"

"A sensei wanting his student want to move in with him and with hokage's orders...Sounds funny if you ask me."

"Sasuke, please co-operate. I really don't feel like using force and being the bad guy here."

But I didn't want to go. What if Kakashi learnt of my new habbit? He'd surely not understand and think I'm crazy.

"Look, just leave me alone, Kakashi, I like it this way."

"Well I don't," argued back Kakashi. "Come on, pack or I'll pack for you."

When I didn't listen, Kakashi was true to his word. He found my backpack in my room, and started putting stuff in my black backpack. Clothes, toliotries, all the nessasaries.

"I told you I'm not going with you!"

By now, I was furious.

Kakashi sighed, and said, "I apologize for what I'm about to do but it's for the best."

"What..." I began, but didn't get to finish my sentence.

Kakashi quickly put his hand behind my neck and hit a pressure point. He did this so quickily I had no time to react. I moaned as my eyes slowly fluttered backwards, and I slowly slipped into darkness. The last thing I saw was Kakashi's saticefied smirk under his mask.

"I hate you," I muttered before I slipped unconscious.

* * *

**_Friday, March 20th, 9:13 AM_**

When I woken up, I was madder then a hornet. I woke up finding myself in Kakashi's small apartment, laying on his old fashioned couch. Studying my surroundings, I saw Kakashi on sofa chair right across from me, reading his favourite perverted book.

"Oh, you're awake. I didn't expect you were so sensitive to pressure points. People usually wake up a hour later."

"Shut up," I muttered, "I'm going home."

Seeing my backpack right beside me, I took it, put one strap on my shoulder, prepared to leave. Kakashi had other plans, though. He quickly went to the door to block my path.

Irrated, I said, "Kakashi, this is kidnapping. Let me go!"

"Stop it, Sasuke, I told you, Tsunade's orders."

"I don't care. I'm not staying. Now get out of my way."

"No. I know what you're planning to do when you get home."

What...No, he doesn't know, does he...?

"I read your poetry book, Sasuke," Kakashi said in a worried tone, "we won't allow it. We care about you too much. Not just me. Everyone does."

"You read my poetry book!" I interupted him, "that's like a diary! Why did you do that!"

"I knew something was wrong, and I thought your writing could tell me and it did."

"That's private! Give it back!"

"I forgot it at Tsunade's. Want it, go talk to her."

I was trying no to lose it, but inside I was. My secret was out.

_**TO BE CONTIN**__**UED...**_

**_xxdarkness' kidxx _**


	7. My Father

_**Silent Howls**_

**_By darks00_**

**_Summary: Father/son relationship of Sasuke/Kakashi. Sasuke becomes self-abusive. Kakashi wants to save him, but Sasuke doesn't want to be saved..._**

**_Warnings: NO yaoi, descriptive self-abuse...That's it._**

* * *

**_Dude I'm slow with updating, lol sorry guys. Thanks for all the reviews, guys, you're the best. _**

**_- darks_**

* * *

_**Chapter 7: A Father**_

**_Kakashi and me? Yeah, we get along alright. _**

**_Kakashi is like the father I wished I had. My real father, before he was murdered, never paid attention to me, only Itachi. I remember when I was young, I would try so hard to impress him, just to know my existence. That's why it sucks so much to be the youngest - you're always in the older ones shadows._**

**_Anyways, Kakashi was the opposite of my real father. I mean, he knew I was alive, taught me important lessons in life, taught me chidori. But I'm a Uchia - that gaurentees you will live a lonely life. I'm scared that if I get close with him like father and son, I would only sooner or later lose him. Everything has a beginning, everything has an end. That's how it goes. _**

**_So, yeah, I did like Kakashi as a father. But, him coming to my house, taking my poetry book and coming to my house telling me he's now my guardian? No way. _**

**_A part of me wanted to say yes, knowing I couldn't win against Kakashi. Maybe then I wouldn't embarrass myself._**

**_But most of me didn't want to go with him. Mostly because of my Uchia pride. That and he took my poetry book. What if someone saw that? Sasuke, writing poetry? No way. _**

**_Kakashi you bastard._**

* * *

_**Thursday, March 19, 11:03 PM**_

_**SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW**_

"How could you invade my privacy?" I raised my voice at him.

"And how could you do that?" He raised his voice back at me.

"You don't understand!"

"You didn't give me a chance!"

"You're all the same!"

"If we're all the same, are you comparing me to your real father?"

Silence. He knew he hit a sensitive spot.

"Out!" I cried out, pointing to the door.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I had to prove you wrong. You can't compare everyone in one category just because a person or two ruined it for the others."

Sighing, I let myself fall onto my old brown couch. Kakashi sit across from me on another chair that was also brown. Even though it's old furniture, I never did replace it for it use to be my mother and father's.

Kakashi in twined his fingers together into one giant fist, begging his mind to tell him what to say. I could tell by the look on his face.

"You need help." Kakashi said in a serious low tone.

"Doesn't everyone in this world need help?"

"Good point," he acknowledged, "but yours is life threatening. Why don't you want to live with me for a while? Do you hate me or aren't you tired of being alone?"

I put my hand to my forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

Kakashi went up beside me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Sasuke, I'd love to have you as a roommate. It gets lonely being alone all the time. Naruto, Sakura and you are all I have. I want to be your friend, isn't that what a sensei really is? I promise I won't tell anyone about your poetry book besides Tsunade, that's what your thinking of, right? If you live with me, I'll get your poetry book back from Tsunade, okay?"

My heart began to slow down, I could feel it. The world started to get so cold, colder then my own soul. I was shaking, I could feel it in my hands and feet. My vison was beginning to fail me. I stood up, I needed a glass of water.

Kakashi must have noticed I was acting funny.

"Sasuke, you okay?" His voice dripped with worry.

Kakashi put one hand on my back, one on my shoulder for support.

My head was going so fast like a carnival ride. My eyes began to roll back.

"Sasuke? Sasuke?" Kakashi cried out desperately, "talk to me!"

I let out a moan of pain before I collapsed into sweet darkness, holding me so lovingly.

* * *

KAKASHI'S POINT OF VIEW:

"Sasuke? Sasuke?" I cried out desperately, "talk to me!"

I heard Sasuke let out a moan, then he fell. I quickily put my hands under his armpits to catch Sasuke so he didn't fall. I picked him up in my arms and laid them on the couch. I couldn't believe how light he was, when was the last time he ate? I put a hand on his forhead. He had a fever, he was burning. When I took my hand off his forehead, I had some cold sweat of his on my hand. He was breathing heavily, his chest going up and down with so much trouble. This is the second time he fainted. I better tell Tsunade about this.

I then called Tsunade.

"Sasuke has a fever," I told her.

"Your point? A fever is common." She explained.

"I know, but is it normal to faint twice in one day?" I asked her.

"No, that's not." Tsunade said, "sorry I'm busy today but bring him around noon tomorrow and I'll have a look at him."

"Okay, thanks Tsunade. Bye."

"Bye."

I found a wash clothe in Sasuke's bathroom. I wet it with cold water and put it on Sasuke's forehead. He was paler then usual. When I took his temperature, he was non-responsive. That's bad. He had a fever of 103.1, when the average temperature if 98.6. This isn't good. I decided now was the best time to take Sasuke to my house - unconscious so he couldn't fight. I picked up his back pack in his room and stuffed it with what he needed. I then took a blanket off Sasuke's bed and went to the unconscious Sasuke on the couch. I picked him up and wrapped him in the black blanket. I threw the wash clothe in the laundry hamper in his room then I picked Sasuke up as carefully as I could. Still non-responsive.

I found Sasuke's house key in his short pocket, I saw him put them in there when he came home, went outside and locked the door behind me.

I was then off to my house with an unexpecting Sasuke.

TO BE CONTINUED...

xxdarkness' kidxx


	8. Weak

**_Chapter 8: Weak_**

man am I terrible at updating! Sorry guys, here's the next chapter of Silent Howls. Thanks for your patience and everything.

- darks

**_The worst part about fainting is how weak it makes you feel. The weakness in the legs, your mind losing all thought - you can't even hold yourself up. Then, all thoughts are gone as your head suddenly feels like someone hit you in the back of the head. Darkness takes over you, holding you so tightly, not letting you go. It's so comforting for it's like a fuzzy blanket over you, promising you to take the pain away. But Darkness makes you feel so weak, like you can't do anything for it won't let you go. _**

**_The last thing I saw before I feel into Darkness was Kakashi's worried eyes, crying out my name, catching me before I hit the ground...That was worse then the pain. Having someone worrying about you, feeling so small, and there's nothing you can do about it._**

**_Being to be able to do nothing about weakness explains our thoughts. Thoughs can make us weak or strong. You can not pick your thoughts, you can do nothing about it, but you can change how you see things to change your thoughts. When you can do nothing about the situation and no one really gets hurt or anything, just laugh at how terrible and ironic the situation is. Too bad I didn't learn this earlier. _**

**_Thoughts can lead to serious depression which at the time I didn't know what I was suffering from. I thought it was normal to feel this way. It's normal to feel depressed if something bad happens, but you shouldn't be depressed all the time to the point where you want to die. _**

**_It was later when I found out I was weak to not get help._**

* * *

**_Friday, March 20, 11:57 AM_**

**_Kakashi's house, Kakashi's point of view_**

Sasuke went in and out of consciousness though out last night. His fever would not break out. When he was conscious, it wasn't long and he was disoriented. He didn't even reconize me, he kept on crying out for "dad to stop hurting me" and "I will never be better then Itachi" and stuff like that. Sasuke kept on shivering even though he had three blankets on top of him. His complexion made him look so fragile and weak.

I looked at the clock, noticing it was almost time to take Sasuke to see Tsunade. I picked up Sasuke from my guest bed, his legs in one arm, his head and back in my other arms. I made sure his shivering body was tucked in to one of the three blankets I gave him. Holding him closely to my chest, I poofed myself to the hospital.

**_Hospital_**

Tsunade got Sasuke in a hospital bed as soon as I reached her. I walked down the long hallway that stunk of sanitizer. I reached the room that read 666. That's a bad sign right there. Oh, the irony. Tsunade opened the door for me and I placed Sasuke in the bed and pulled the blankets to his chest. As soon as I did that, Tsunade just pulled the blanket back down. She started to listen to his heartbeat with the stethoscope and touching his abdomen, trying to feel something wrong.

"He hasn't been eating much, has he?" Tsunade asked me.

"I just took him under my wing just recently, I'm not sure." I told her honestly.

Tsunade then checked his temperature. Fever was still very high. She took some blood tests.

The tests came in about a hour later.

"Well, I checked his glucose and everything," Tsunade began, "but nothing seems wrong."

I was happy that nothing was wrong, but this wasn't solving any of the porblems, either.

Then Tsunade continued, "I believe it's just all from stress and the fever is just a fever."

"Well, I guess that's better then things wrong with him," I thought.

"Depends," Tsunade began, "he is mentally sick. I saw the scars on his wrists. I know he has servre depression. But nothing is wrong with Sasuke's mind, the depression was created by his past. I am making an appointment for Sasuke with a phyciatrist named Jay. 3:00 tomorrow okay?"

"Ya. I'll force Sasuke to go," I told her.

She smiled at that one. "He's a stubborn one, good luck. I just hope he gets better soon. It would be a shame for someone to die by their own hands."

"Don't judge him," I warned her, "you don't know what someone's been through unless you've been in their shoes."

"I'm not, I'm just saying..." She mummbled on. "ANYWAYS, there's nothing I can do for him now. You might as well take him to your house. Keep an eye on him and keep him safe, make sure he does nothing stupid."

Then Tsunade gave me a bottle of pills.

"Painkillers," she told me. "One every eight hours should help break his fever and help with the pain of the fever."

"Thanks, Tsunade."

"You're welcome." She said with a smile, then exused herself.

There was nothing to do but to go home now.

**_Kakashi's house_**

I put Sasuke back in the guest room, making sure he was warm. Then I went to the kitchen to make lunch for me and Sasuke when he wakes up. I made the best thing for people when they're sick - chicken noodle soup. I was about half way done boiling the soup when I heard

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Well, Sasuke's awake.

I quickily turned off the stove for the soup then went into the guest bedroom where Sasuke was sweating a river, having troubles keeping himself up with his weak arms.

"What the hell, Kakashi?" He roared out.

Sasuke was about to try to get out of his bed, but I stopped him by using my jutsu to tie him up with my rope like I did when he was complimenting leaving Leaf Village with the Sound. He struggled against the ropes but gave up after a little while when he found out it was useless.

"Why am I here?" He asked me annoyed.

"Why are you here?" I repeated equally as annoyed. "You're hurting yourself. I can't let you do that to yourself."

"Why do you care?"

"Cause you are like a son to me."

This took Sasuke by surprise. "Really? Why me? What about Naruto or someone else?"

"Why not?" I asked him back, "you remind me of me when I was younger."

Not wanting me to see he was touched by what I said, he quickly looked away from me and did a little pout. I went up to him, sat right beside him in the guest bed. I used my jutsu again to get rid of the ropes that were holding Sasuke in place.

I then pulled Sasuke into my chest and gave him a hug.

I heard Sasuke let out a gasp of surprise. Sasuke surprised me. He just accepted the hug, laying his head on my shoulder. Then I heard something that sounded like hiccups.

Sasuke was crying.

TO BE CONTINUED...

xxdarkness' kidxx


	9. Internal Bleeding

_**Chapter 9: Internal Bleeding**_

_Thanks everyone, you guys really make my day. Your support is really appreciate. Rock on, guys! :)_

_- darks_

* * *

**_I could feel it deep within me, and that's how I knew I was still living._**

**_I could feel Kakashi's warmth, I could hear his breathing in my ear, slightly tickling it. I was convinced I died long ago, but the blood flowing my veins warming up to Kakashi's friendship told me other wise. _**

**_But what does it mean to be alive? If you read the dictionary, one definition is existence. Is that all life's about? Just to exist? Just to live and just to die? Maybe that's all my life is. _**

**_I'm getting more depressed by the day. I'm in a whirlwind of disturbing memories and painful thoughts of failure. I can feel myself bleeding to death in the inside, but no one happens to see it._**

**_I know soon it will be too late._**

**_Maybe I should let Kakashi grab my hand when he's reaching out for me, but no. That's a sign of weakness in Itachi's eyes. I don't want to be a nuisance to Kakashi and the last thing I need is to be a laughing stock. _****_As I keep on bleeding more and more each day and losing sight of what's real, I am forced to live. I am forced to move on against my own will. _**

**_The worst part is the bleeding's only going to get worse with no one to help me..._**

**_If only I found this out sooner..._**

* * *

**_Behind a locked door of my heart_**

**_Where all hope has fallen apart_**

**_My wounds starve for salvation_**

**_My heart begs to be let release from captivation_**

**_(But my prayers will always be un-answered)_**

**_I beg for the pain to end tonight_**

**_To end this eternal fight_**

**_(Forever to fight with myself)_**

**_I'm bleeding in the inside;_**

**_but it will never show on the outside_**

**_(I will bleed out my existence)_**

**_- Sasuke's poetry book_**

* * *

**_Friday, March 20th, 1:01 PM_**

Sasuke's shell has finally cracked - not all the way, but a few cracks in it is better then nothing. He laid limps in my arms, his head against my shoulder. It took me a moment to conclude that Sasuke had cried himself to sleep. Careful not to wake him up, I began to tuck Sasuke in back to bed. Unconsciously, he tried pulling his body next to mine for more body heat. I smiled underneath my mask as I gently fully tucked Sasuke in bed.

"Have a good nap, Sasuke," I whispered as I turned off the lights.

**_Friday, March 20th, 2:46 PM_**

It was almost three when I decided to wake Sasuke up for his counselling appointment with Jay. I tried to collect my thoughts together on how to take Sasuke there, even though I knew he will refuse for help. No matter how hard I thought, I always got the same answer - I'm screwed. So, I decided to wing it.

I opened the door to his guestroom to find Sasuke already awake. He was just sitting on the bed, his knees to his chest and he was in deep thought.

"What you thinking?" I asked him, sitting beside him.

He rolled his eyes.

"How long have you been awake?" I tried again for conversation.

He shrugged. I gave up on starting a conversation with him, so I decided to cut the fat and get to the meat - to the chase, you can say.

"We need to talk, Sasuke," I told him gently.

"There's nothing to talk about," he replied back.

This was not the Sasuke I knew. This Sasuke was hollow, nothing inside. Despair filled his eyes. He was begging for the grave. Just the thought made my heart bleed for myself...And him. I want the old sarcastic Sasuke back. Then it hit me what was going on. He was embarrassed for letting his shield down for a moment when he cried in front of me. Funny how crying makes you feel so weak, yet it shows people how you feel.

"We have everything to talk about," I said as calmly as possible, getting frustrated with his stubbornness, "you can't lock everyone out just because a few hurt you."

"Just a few?" He said in anger, then repeated himself, "Just a few? I've saw hell itself. I saw it's flames, I saw people suffering the worst possible deaths imaginable. Do you know how it feels?"

"No, I don't, but we all have hard times."

"Ever saw your family murdered before your eyes by your own brother?"

Silence.

"Talk about it, then. You keep on talking how bad your life is, yet you never tell us how you feel, to get help. No one can take so much pain by them self, it's too much."

"Maybe I don't need help!"

Shit, I thought. It's almost three o'clock already, almost time for Sasuke's appointment.

"I made a couselling appointment with Jay for you at three. We're going to be late if we don't hurry..."

"WHAT?" Sasuke cried out.

He jumped off the bed, his fists balled in anger, his eyes sharp right at me.

"You think you know the answers to everything, but you don't. You just don't get it, do you? You think you're helping me, but you're only making it worse. Why won't you leave me alone!"

"'Cause you're acting like a spoiled child, that's why!"

Now I stood up, looked down at Sasuke.

"I told you, you don't understand and you never will!"

He turned around and run out the guestroom door.

"SASUKE!" I cried out.

I heard the entrance door slam shut.

Shit, that went well. Now what?

TO BE CONTINUED...

xxdarkness' kidxx


	10. Into the Abyss

**_Chapter 10: Into the Abyss_**

_Wow...And I mean wow! 80 reviews already and 54 alerts? Guys, you're flattering me, lol. Thank you so much, guys, I can't thank you enough. It means a lot to me, honest. I got a few reviews asking if I wrote the poem at the beginning...Yes, I did, I love writing poetry, too. I would NEVER take credit for someone else's hard work. Thanks again, guys, take care!_

_- darks_

* * *

**_When I was running, it was like I was in an abyss._**

**_I could run all that I wanted, I could run all that I could, but in the end, I would always end up in the middle of nowhere. It was never ending to run. It's funny how an abyss is never ending, yet you get lost in it. I guess it's scary because you never know what you will see in an abyss. _**

**_I should have known I was only running deeper into an abyss mentally, and sooner or later I'd be in too deep for anyone to save me, for I obviously can't save myself - in Itachi's words, I'm too weak. Why does an abyss make me feel so insecure, so fearful? Is it because it's so big it makes you feel so small, so helpless? Is it because you will never find the end? Perhaps I never did find those answers. _**

**_It is futile to run in an abyss if you're trying to find answers, trying to run away. The deeper you go into this 'abyss' in your mind, the deeper you find yourself lost in the darkness of your heart. Everyone has even a little bit of darkness in their heart. _**

**_Yet, here I was, continuing to run into my abyss, and forever I shall do so. _**

* * *

**_WARNING:_**

This chapter contains depression thoughts that ARE NOT true. Some people may find this chapter too dark of thoughts and may be uncomfortable. A lot of people feel like this and need to get better, so don't go on and think this story's about hurting yourself is the answer, for it's not. Please keep that in mind.

- darks

* * *

**_Drunk on my tears_**

**_Petrofied by my fears_**

**_(There is no escaping this abyss)_**

**_Forever to wonder, lost in my own mind_**

**_Terrified what I might find_**

**_(That's why I must run)_**

**_I can not escape_**

**_I can not escape this fate_**

**_(This fate of mine)_**

**_I trip and I fall_**

**_I'm no longer standing tall_**

**_(I have fallen from grace)_**

**_Forever I shall remain_**

**_With this monster in my heart that I contain_**

**_(Forever in this abyss of mine)_**

* * *

I was running, but it like I was running through an abyss. It was like time went by slowly, just for me to collect my thoughts. I ran, hearing my footsteps. I saw people around me. I wanted...Needed...To get away from them. That only encouraged me to run faster. I blocked my face with one of my arms so the people wouldn't see my face. I don't know what the point of that was since they could still see me, but for some reason it gave me comfort, just like a scared little animal.

The more I ran, the faster my heart would pound, making the blood in my veins flow hard, begging me to stop. I ignored their pleads, closed my eyes and ran faster. Where was I running to? I don't know, but anywhere but here.

I kept on going down my "abyss", where I was going I had no clue. I just had to get away from Kakashi, get some space to breathe and think. I wasn't even really looking where I was going, just running. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

I saw Kiba in the distance. Shit. I'm really not in the mood right now to deal with him. I went to make a left to try to avoid him, but it was too late, he already saw me. He started to come towards me.

I swear to God, there's just someone there just watching me fall and having the time of their time watching it. Someone with a sick mind of amusement. I must have been bad in my past life, as I believe they say.

Kiba came closer to me, making me raise an eyebrow. Does he have nothing better to do then make my life more miserble?

It was like I was drunk. I didn't care what happened anymore. I zoned the world out. I purposely let my eye sight blur, I find life more amusing that way. I was tired of fighting a former friend. It's pointless. My hearing began to fail me I was so zoned out. It felt good and bad at the same time. It was good for I was numb and just didn't care. Almost like floating. It was bad for at the same time it was an ackward feeling, like I wasn't controlling my own body. It impaired my judgement.

I could barely make out the words Kiba was saying, I only saw his lips moving in slow motion. He was spinning slowly and blurry to me. I barely heard his mocking words...

**_You should have died in your clan's massicure..._**

**_You have no right to live when they're in their graves..._**

**_And you couldn't save them. You couldn't do anything..._**

**_Useless._**

**_Coward._**

But, the sentence that hurt me the most:

**You should go kill yourself.**

I could feel the arrows of pain in my heart from those five little words. His words poisoned my mind back then, and I was a fool then, too.

"Sasuke! There you are!" Cried out a voice.

His voice was rasping, meaning he was running to find me. It was Kakashi.

He ran up beside me, putting his hand on my chest to move me to the side and him ahead of me.

"Kiba, and how would you feel if Sasuke did kill himself?" Kakashi wondered out loud, "wouldn't you feel terrible if he was sent to an early grave because of you?"

"Sasuke always thinks he's better then everyone. His nose is always so high. He shouldn't have treated Sakura as he did." Kiba tried to reason for his actions towards me.

"Maybe he should have," agreed Kakashi, "but no reason to put his neck in a noose for it! For pete's sake, do you not see the damage your causing?"

I put my hand to my forhead. Great, now a headache. I was so embaressed of Kakashi's actions. I didn't need people sticking up for me, I can do that myself.

"Sasuke should have never been born!" Kiba yelled.

They were both acting like I was a ghost, not even near their presence. The next thing that happened surprised me. Kakashi raised his fist and punched Kiba right on his left cheek.

Kiba took a step back, surprised by a sensei's actions.

"Put yourself in another's shoes. You never truly know if someone's been through heaven or hell." Kakashi spat out with venom in each word, "look at all the people around you. Everyone has their own story. Stop being selfish for once and shut the hell up!"

That's when the dizziness got worse. Kakashi, Kiba and the background began to spin around me, becoming blurry. I was so hot and clammy. I knew my legs were going to give out on me any seond.

"Kakashi...Kakashi..." I said in a weak voice. I was stattering.

"Huh?" Kakashi asked as he turned around.

That's when I let out a moan of pain and fell.

I heard Kakashi cry out my name, but he seemed so far away for being right next me. I felt someone catch me (obviously Kakashi, Kiba would never catch me) and slowly put me on the ground.

I heard Kiba laugh, Kakashi yell something to Kiba and then Kiba leaving. Kakashi was holding me, lightly slappy my cheek. My head slowly began to feel back to normal, my temperture began to lower back to normal temperture.

"You okay, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked me.

I nodded my head, quickly got up and gently pushing Kakashi's hand out of the way. I stood up, my cheeks hotting up into a blush from embarrasment.

"This keeps on happening when your really stressed out...Sasuke...May you have an anxiety disorder? I may be no doctor, but it looks like you had a panic attack." Kakashi wondered out loud.

"Will you leave me alone Kakashi!" I finally cried out in fustration, my hands balling into in fists in anger.

Kakashi looked hurt, his one eye widening in surprise, then I continued. "You pretend to understand me when you don't know the first about me. You're only making things worse. Must I keep on repeating myself to you?"

"No, you don't get it," Kakashi contured. "Don't you realize people care about you?"

"Ya, they sure care about me. Kiba's telling me to kill myself and you know what? He's right. I have no reason to live. I lost the will to live."

I felt as if my darkest secret been pulled out of my heart. My eyes studied the ground, not knowing what to do.

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**

**_xxdarkness' kidxx_**


	11. Secret

**_Chapter__ 11: Secret_**

OH MY GOD sorry it took so long to update! I've been so busy with college five times a week and work four days a week, but now things calmed down and I can update. You guys just make my day, especially after a hard day. Thanks!

- darks

* * *

**_Some secrets are meant to be kept only to yourself. That's how I felt about my secret about being self-abusive. I didn't mean to blurt it out, I just couldn't help it. It's like my tongue betrayed me, ignoring my true feelings. I didn't want Kakashi to know. Hell, I didn't want anyone to know. But, once something's said, it can't be unsaid. I remember reading somewhere the only way to keep a secret between two people is that the person who heard the secret is dead. In some cases, this is true. I believed this to be true in this case. What is Kakashi told someone else, like Tsunade? Then everyone would treat me as if I was sick, that something's wrong with my head. Nothing's wrong with me, life just sucks with all this pain and suffering people cause to each other. People don't realize how much power they have. They have the power to destroy one's life or to make someone's life complete._**

**_Back then I wondered, will my secret remain a secret between Kakashi and me? _**

* * *

**_(In case you are wondering why I put brackets inside my poems, those are just words that your mind tells you sometimes, those words you subconsciencely think of. Like summarizing your thoughts into a few sentences, if that makes sense.)_**

**_Crying myself to sleep again_**

**_Knowing the nightmare will never end_**

**_(You can't escape)_**

**_Walking this path of life all alone_**

**_With the sins I must atone_**

**_(Can I even be forgiven?)_**

**_I cry out, yet no one hears_**

**_The silence confirms my fears_**

**_(No one can hear me scream)_**

**_I've lost my way, took a wrong turn_**

**_And now I'm watching myself burn_**

**_(I'm buring alive)_**

* * *

**_Sasuke's point of view:_**

I held my breath, as if Kakashi's next words determained my fate. I bit my lip in atticipation, feeling my lips bleeding a little. He knew my secret now. Now what was he going to do about it? I prayed he would do nothing, just leave me alone. But, in my heart, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

I made a mistake of looking at Kakashi's face. I saw his eye dripping with pity in them, almost threating to cry. I don't need any pity. There's nothing wrong with me. He could tell he was trying to find words to say to me, but his mind failed to come up with the words. Words couldn't fix pain, anyways. How is it that words can hurt so much yet they can't undo the damage done? Why did words hurt so much when that's all they are? Just words? I guess because learning the truth is always painful.

"Sasuke?" Kakashi said in a voice I didn't reconize.

His voice, it was full of sorrow. Why does he feel so sad for me? Doesn't he know how worthless I am, that I'm not worth it?

"Sasuke," he said again in a fathery figure.

What happened next surprised me. He came closer to me. Feeling uncomfortable, I stepped back. He stepped forward again, so I stepped back. I raised my eyebrow with curiousity, realizing he wasn't going to give up unless I let him get close to me. Then he reached out his arms and put them around me. My eyes widened with surprise. A hug. He was hugging me, like a father would to his son. I haven't had a hug since I was like eight years old. My eyes then closed with comfort. I felt his warmth, his heart beat. For some reason, it was soothing.

While in the hug, something came over me. Memories overflooded me. My parent's death. Itachi's hatred for me. Kiba's bullying. It was like a huge wave of tears were behind my eyelids. I tried so hard not to cry. I couldn't like Kakashi see me cry. But my eyes betrayed me. I couldn't help it. My eyes stun, my tears just begging to be let free. Damn it. Kakashi noticed and rubbed my back while still holding me. That just made me sob louder. Like his hand encouraged me to let it all out, let my emotions take over me. My head felt so heavy, feeling all these emotions at once, all these toughts hitting me at once with no mercy. Then my legs also began to betray me. They felt so weak, as if all the weight of these emotions were too much for me. My legs gave in to the pain and they collapsed, but Kakashi wouldn't let me fall. He caught me and laid my body against him, now fully holding me. I could feel his shirt full of my tears, yet he didn't complain. We just stood there, saying nothing. We didn't need to. Our body language said more then words ever could. When I finally felt like I couldn't cry anymore, I did something that amazed both Kakashi and me. I hugged him back.

Then, I thought came to me. I just let him saw the weaker side of me. Imagine if Naruto or Kiba heard of this! I quickly pulled away from Kakashi's hug and wiped away my tears away with my sweater's sleeve and gave Kakashi my famous death stare.

"Don't tell anyone about this," I warned him.

"About what?" He asked innocently as if he didn't know what I was talking about.

Then, a shy smile formed on my lips.

"I haven't seen that for a long time," Kakashi commented.

I looked away, embarrased. How could I let Kakashi see this side of me? This side of me that I despise so much?

"We're going home, and we're going to talk," Kakashi told me firmly, "I don't care if I have to tie you up again to make you listen."

Before I even could even say anything in protest, Kakashi put his hand on my shoulder and transported us to his house.

**_Friday, March 20th, 3:40 PM (Oh shit! looking back at my story, I realized I made a huge error with the date! Oops! Well, let's say this story started on March 18th, okay? lol)_**

Kakashi and me were now in his living room.

"STOP DOING THAT!" I screamed at Kakashi.

"How else am I going to get you to come with me?" Kakashi questioned.

"I don't know, ask, maybe?" I spat out vemonously. "It's pretty creepy that a man your age keeps on trying to get a sixteen year old to his house!"

"All I need is a van," Kakashi joked back.

I mentally shivered at the thought of the sick joke.

"Now stop trying to change the subject," lectured Kakashi.

He pointed to one of the chairs in the room. "Sit."

At first I shook my head. I didn't have to do what he said. I turned to leave. But from the corner of my eye, I saw him grabbing something from his vest. It was rope.

"Who carries rope with them?" I questioned out loud.

He ignored my question. "Do I have to tie you up till you listen to me?"

I sighed with defeat. Dragging my feet while I walked, I slowly walked to the chair and sat. I crossed my arms across my chest. I knew I looked like a pouting child, but I didn't care.

"Sasuke," he began, "you're like a son to me. So, it didn't take me long to figure out something was bugging you for the past month. This is why I got Tsunade give me permission to live with me."

It was like cold water was poured over me. "Tsunade didn't ask you to?"

"No, she didn't," Kakashi admitted, "I wanted to."

He said 'I wanted to'. Not 'I was forced to'. Was he telling the truth? Did he really care for me? Maybe he did mean it when he said he tought of me as a son. Yet, another thought occoured to me. I trusted my brother with all my heart. And look what happened. I was fighting with myself in my head, trying to figure out which one of my thoughts were right.

"Hell, I would die for you Sasuke," Kakashi told me.

Would he? Did he really mean that? I knew people can be so confident about a thought of what they would do in a specific situation. But when they are put in that situation, they do the opposite. Was this the case?

When I said nothing, he continued. "Please. Let me help you."

Kakashi rarely used his manners. Why would he use them for someone like me?

Then, something inside me snapped. Why did he keep thinking I needed help? Why did he keep thinking something's wrong with me when nothing is?

"And how do you expect to help me?" I snapped back at him. "Can you take me back to the past that made me to this person I am today?"

"No," he said, shaking his head sadly, "but I can help you to move forward."

"I don't need help! There's nothing to help me with!"

"Sasuke, you're hurting yourself physically and mentally..."

**_KAKSHI'S POINT OF VIEW:_**

Sasuke didn't let me finish my sentence. I heard him let out a sigh of fustration. He got off his chair and went out the door and slammed it behind him. I didn't even try to stop him. Even if I did tie him up, he would not listen to me in the state of mind he was in. I knew if I threated him now to tie him up, he still wouldn't listen. I knew the kid well enough to know that. I then sat down, my head in my hands. How do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved? I knew there's no words to heal all the pain he feels, to erase what has been done to him.

Out of anger, I swiped my hand out, hitting a vase. I heard it hitting the floor with a loud crash, yet I didn't even flinch at the loud noise. Then, I did something I haven't done for years. I screamed in fustration. I screamed as loud as I could. I loved that child as a father would love his son. Here he is, suffering, and there's not a damn thing I could do. Not a damned thing. Never have I felt so useless. I felt like I was watching Sasuke drown in his own tears. Yet, no matter how much I would reach my arm out to save him, I just couldn't quite reach him. My heart felt like it was torn out of my chest. It hurts so much to watch a loved one suffering so much.

It hurt that he couldn't feel my fatherly love, that I couldn't reach him. Have I done something wrong? Was it something I did? What can I do to save him? Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I decided it would be best to go find Sasuke. I held back the pain inside of me. Sasuke needed me. He probably had a few minutes to vent his anger. I had to get to him before he hurt himself again.

I will do whatever I can to save you.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**xxdarkness' kidxx**


	12. Tired

**_Chapter 12: Tired_**

_Hey guys hope all is well. Thanks for the reviews!_

_- darks_

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_**I was so tired. Tired of everything. The same thing over and over again gets boring after a while. Everyday was the same. The same pain, the same agony. It was as if my days were on repeat. Everyday was a failure trying to kill the pain. No matter how hard I try, I just couldn't kill something I couldn't see. You can't kill something inside of you. **_

_**I was tired of running away from Kakashi. But I had to get away. I knew I couldn't avoid Kakashi forever, but sometimes you just need some time alone to be able to have some room to breathe, time to think. He just really pushed me the wrong way. Pretending to be so understanding, like everything's okay when it's not. He's acting as if he could feel my pain. How can he feel my pain when he hasn't felt it himself? I was tired of Kakashi trying to get me in his 'perfect painted world' where everything is fine and it's all okay. It's all just an illusion. Kakashi's pretending like everything's okay, but it's not. It's just not. **_

_**I'm so tired, yet this tired feeling of mine can't be fixed by simply sleeping. Maybe I'm just tired of life.**_

* * *

**Oh cruel fate why do you make me suffer so?**

**Is pain the only thing I know?**

**(This pain inside of me)**

**All this pain, hate and despair**

**Yet most people don't even care**

**(Will anyone care?)**

**They turn their head at another one's screams**

**Yet they can still sleep and have pleasent dreams**

**(Why won't anyone save me?)**

* * *

**WARNING: **Another very dark, depressing chapter. REMEMBER, I am not encouraging self-abuse. I'm just trying to show what goes through some self-abusers minds. I'm trying to get people to be more understanding of others pain, not to make fun of it. A lot of people make fun of self-abusers, and I want them to see a little bit of their emotions to be a little more understanding. I even decided to make this story rated M.

**SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW:**

I was walking to no where in particular. I just...I just felt like I had to get away from Kakashi. I wish he could understand. But I knew within my heart that it just wasn't possible. You can't teach someone to feel how you feel no matter how hard you try. Emotions are just something you're born with, not taught. He couldn't feel what I could feel and he never would. I've come to peace with myself that no one would understand my pain. At first, it bugged me so much that no one would understand how I feel or could save me. But it just gets to the point where you just don't care anymore. You just learn to accept fate and whatever it throws at you.

I slipped behind a row of houses, my hands in my sweater's pockets. My feet kicked the pebbles beneath my feet, the dust floating in the air. I felt like that dust. It's just there for no useful reason, just to be bothersome. It floats in the air, with no particular destination, lost in the wind. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me.

A hand quickly snaked to my shoulder, roughly turning me around to face him. He was a tall man but a littler on the bigger side. He had short slick black hair under his leaf headband.

When he turned me around I was met with his other hand balled in a fist. It hit me on the bottm of my left jaw and I heard a sicking crack. When I finally got over the shock of what just happened, I put a hand on my jaw where he had it.

"What the hell was that for? I don't even know you!"

He ignored me. I didn't even understand why this man was attacking me. He didn't seem drunk or drugged or anything. Out of his vest he then drew a kunai. My eyes went wide with surprise. Here was a stranger, we never even met before, going to attempt to really hurt me or even try to kill me. This was a stupid fight he picked, for he doesn't know Sasuke Uchia.

He made a pathetic attempt to try to stab me with the kunai, but I easily dodge it by moving to the right.

"What's your problem?" I tried again to reach him.

Again, he kept on ignoring me. My words reached deaf ears. He had such hatred in his eyes. It made me wonder what provoked him to do this.

He tried to jab me again, but I was way too quick for him. I grabbed his wrist and turned it in a position it's not supposed to be in. He cried in pain and dropped the kunai. I quickly gave him a quick jab to the stomach with my knee. I heard the air escape between his lips in pain.

"You picked the wrong guy to mess with," I told him.

His eyes were beginning to water now. Rage began to fill my veins now. It flowed through my body till all I saw was red. I gave him an uppercut so hard that he fell to the ground. I then punched him in the face until he stopped moving. At first I thought I'd killed him, but I checked his pulse. He was alive, just unconscious.

Then tears threatened to fall from my eyes. First my brother. Then Kiba. And now a complete stranger. Why do they hate me, more importantly, why would a person just randomly attack me? Am I that terrible of a person? I just wanted to know why. Kiba didn't have that good of reason. So I was mean to Sakura. That doesn't mean he should get his nose in where it doesn't belong.

All these questions were swimming through my head, over and over again. I put both my hands on my head, clutching onto my hair for dear life. It was then it started to rain, right at that exact time. It was like it was waiting for me to be miserble just to add to the misery. I started to cry. I started to cry for everything. This pain, it's just too much for one's shoulders. I'm just not strong enough.

I just let it all out. I cried into the rain, my cries not reaching anyone or no one cared. I lifted my head to the sky, the rain splattering their short life span onto my face. Then I screamed as loud as my little lungs would let me. I screamed till I could scream no more from my throat being so sore. I knew there's only one way to numb the pain. I knew there was only one way to make these toughts not so painful, to slow the toughts down a bit. What's the point, anyhow? What's the point of living if we're just going to die later, anyhow, our lives meaning nothing. It's all pointless, I thought.

I saw something shiny to my left from the corner of my eye. It was a shard of glass. Someone had thrown their beer bottle to the ground, probably too lazy to dispose of it properly. I was drawn to that glass and a moth is drawn to light. As silly as this sound, I saw this shard of glass filled with promises.

"It can kill the pain."

"It can bring you salvation."

"It can end the suffering."

My heart began to raise with anticipation. I was fighting with myself. Should I really end it tonight? Did I dare? I was just as scared as anyone to die, but I was more scared to live.

I picked up the shard of glass with a shaky hand. I had to do this. It's for the best. I rolled up my sweater's sleeve, and dragged the sharp shard against my pale arm. Tears rolled down my eyes after each scratch. Ironic, isn't it? Causing yourself pain to numb another pain. Think of it this way. When you know you're about to face pain, the first thing you do is tense up. Once the pain is done, you feel a lot better, don't you, a calm feeling almost. This is what it was like for me.

The more I cut, the more the mental pain became. At the same time, the more I cut the more tears I cried. I knew this was wrong. I knew others wouldn't understand. I hear all the suicide jokes, followed by everyone laughing. But I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't deal with the pain anymore. My blood pooled on the floor, flowing through the fresh cuts, to my elbows, to the floor. The more blood there was, the better I felt.

I began to get dizzy from the blood loss. The blurry world was turning around me. I tried moving towards the house beside me to have something to lean against, but the dizziness was too much. It got the best of me. I fell into my pool of blood, back first. My shirt began to soak up my blood beneath me right away. I felt my breathing getting more shallow. Is this it? Is this my final hour, my salvation?

Before I lost conscious, I smiled as I closed my eyes. Finally. The pain will finally end. I happily accepted the darkness.

**TO BE CONTINUED... **

**xxdarkness' kidxx **


	13. Silent Howls

**_Chapter 13: Silent Howls_**

_Hello everyone! I hope everything is going well for all of you. Here's the next chapter, thanks for the reviews guys! I really do love them. Again, I apologize for being so slow! Next time I make a story, I'll make a few chapters in advance before posting it! Merry Christmas!_

_- darks_

* * *

**_Since Sasuke is either dying or dead, he can't really do a dialog for this chapter, can he? Lol. Damn. I love doing them. _**

* * *

_**I scream yet no one hears**_

_**I cry yet no one sees the tears**_

**_I'm trapped within my worst fears_**

**_I've been lost there all these years_**

**_I can't find my way back home_**

**_Alone I will always roam_**

* * *

**_KAKASHI'S POINT OF VIEW:_**

When I finally got my emotions under control, I realized the big mistake I had made. I let Sasuke go outside. All by himself in his fragile state of mind. How could I do that? I told myself it was because I know I couldn't talk any sense to him, he wouldn't listen to me. But inside, I know that was an exuse. in truth, I was terrified to talk to him. What if I said something wrong or he took what I said the wrong way? That would just kill him more inside. What do you say to someone who is dying inside? To him, the world's crumbling around him. What do you say to that? Words just can't heal all wounds.

Shaking these thoughts out of my head, I realized I'm wasting time finding Sasuke. He needs me right now.

As fast as light, I bit my left thumb to draw some blood. I then put my left hand on the ground.

"Summonning Jutsu!"

After the cloud of smoke cleared, Pakkun appeared in front of me.

"What's up, Kakashi?" He asked.

I grabbed a sweater of Sasuke's from the couch. "Can you locate Sasuke for me?"

"Sure thing, Kakashi," he answered.

He sniffed the sweater to get Sasuke's scent.

"I'm on it."

Just as he came, he exited. With a poof of smoke, he was gone. I sat back on the couch, my hands hiding my face. The suspense of not knowing where Sasuke is was killing me. My heart was pounding faster in fear. What if he did hurt himself again? It only takes a few seconds and just like that his life could be gone. And I wasn't there to stop him. Could I live with myself if that did happened?

Just as fast as Pakkun left, he appeared again in the same cloud of smoke. Once the smoke cleared, I saw the shock in Pakkun's face. His eyes were wide and sweat was dripping from his face.

"Pakkun? What did you see?"

He didn't answer me. "Follow me."

Pakkun and I ran as fast as we could. We finally reached a allyway behind some houses. Then I saw the horror scene in front of us. There, on the ground, was Sasuke...Lying in his own blood.

"Oh my God!" I half cried half screamed out.

It was as if I was in slow motion. It seemed to me my feet weren't getting me to Sasuke as fast as I wanted to. I threw myself to the ground beside him, not caring my legs were getting soaked in his blood. I saw the blood was coming from his arm. Oh, Sasuke...How did it come to this? He was pale. So deathly pale. If I didn't know better, his lips... it looked like...He was smiling.

Putting that thought to the side for the moment, I put my hands behind Sasuke's head, cradling it. I put my head down, putting my ear to his nose.

I sighed with relief and reported to Pakkun, "it's faint, but he's still breathing. Come on, we need to get him to Tsunade."

I picked up Sasuke and put him in my arms. We then both poofed ourselves to Tsunade's office.

* * *

**_TSUNADE'S OFFICE_**

**_Friday, March 20th, 6:12 PM_**

"Kakashi? Pakkun?" She said with surprise.

It was then that she saw Sasuke limp in my arms. Her eyes widened with surprise.

"Take him to the next room, Kakashi."

I obeyed. When we reached the other room, she asked me to place Sasuke on the hospital bed. She looked at Sasuke's arm.

In almost a whisper she asked, "did he do this to himself?"

When I didn't say anything, she took that as a yes and made a "tsk" sound under her breath.

"Wait outside, Kakashi. You'd only be in my way."

I obliged, and went ouside the doors to sit in a very uncomfortable plastic chair. Then, I was lost in a whirlpool of thoughts.

What hurt the most about this situation was that he did this to himself. But why? Was it because of me, did I do something to be the catalyst of this tragedy? I knew Sasuke had a tough childhood. But I couldn't help but wonder, was probing him with questions the final thing that made Sasuke snap? The most important question I had in my mind was when did this start? How long have I been blind to see this? There was only one explanation I could think of.

It was as if Sasuke was giving off silent howls. He was screaming as loud as he could in pain, but no one could hear him no matter how loud he cried out. No one could hear them for these silent howls were trapped inside the heart of Sasuke. They were trapped in him for so long they were killing him from within.

I know this because I went through a similar stage in my younger days.

_**Friday, March 20th, 6:33 PM**_

Tsunade finally came out of the room to see me. I stood up so fast it made my head spin. I ignored the nausious feeling.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

She sighed. "Sasuke will live."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"But," she said.

I hated buts. As soon as you hear 'but', you forget what you heard before they said the word 'but'.

"Mentally, he's crushed. I'm not sure how much more mentally he can take. I am asking you to put Sasuke on a twenty-four hour suicide watch."

"I already knew that," I told her.

"I mean, lock up everything that Sasuke could hurt himself with. Anything that could posion him, anything he can cut himself with, ect, ect."

"Isn't that a little...Drastic?"

"Yes," she agreed, "but do you really want to take on another chance of Sasuke losing his life? He lost a lot of blood. He honestly wants to die."

I bit my lip. It was a little habit of mine whenever I was told something bad. "I guess you're right, but he's going to hate me for that."

"Would you rather him hate you or him dead?"

"I think we both know the answer. I'll go home right now and do it. Is Sasuke still unconscious?"

"Yes, but like I said, he's physically stablized."

"Good."

I poofed back home.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**xxdarkness' kidxx **


	14. The Howling Part 1

_**Chapter**_**_ 14: The Howling Part 1_**

_Hello everyone! Thanks for all your reviews and all your support! _

_- darks_

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**_Again, since Sasuke is still unconsious, he can't do a dialog. God damn it! Guess I should have woken him up last chapter, huh?_**

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**Can you live with the guilt?**

**Kill the trust that we built?**

**You were all that I had**

**How did things get this bad? **

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**KAKAKSHI'S POINT OF VIEW:**

After I went home to remove any objects that Sasuke could harm himself with, I went back to the hospital. I was greeted my Tsunade.

"You may see Sasuke now," she granted. "He's stablized, but he's not woken up yet. Once he's waken up, feel free to take him home."

I nodded my thanks.

I went to Sasuke's room and opened the door. I found a very uncomfortable plastic chair against the wall. I grabbed it and put it besides Sasuke's bed. I sighed when I saw him. The blankets seemed to devour him. I couldn't even see his face with the huge oxygen mask around his mouth. He looked so weak and helpless with all these wires around him. All I heard was the annoying sounds of the heart monitor and the oxygen mask. In a way, the beeping was soothing. At least I knew Sasuke was still alive. I took my hand and curled it around Sasuke's pale hand. I rubbed his hand with my thumb for comfort.

You have a lot of explaining to do when you wake up, Sasuke. How could you sell your life so short like that? Don't you know how much it means to me?

It was as if Sasuke could hear my thoughts. It was his fingers that gave away his presence first. I felt his finger twitch. At first I thought it was just wishful thinking, but then I felt them twitch again.

"Come on, Sleepy Head," I taunted, "time to wake up!"

A moan barely escaped his lips. His unfocused eyes finally opened. Seeing his was having troubles adjesting to the light, I went to turn them off. It was then that Sasuke realized where he was and jumped into a sitting position. I pushed him to lie down back on the bed.

"Easy, Soilder," I said, "you almost died. You need some more rest."

**_SASUKE'S POINT OF VIEW:_**

I won't lie, it was scary. It's terrifying to wake up to some place you don't know. My head went up to my throat it felt like when I woke up. But the smell cleaners and all the wires on me, I knew I was in the hospital. I even failed to die. And now, I have to half-listen to another lecture from Kakashi. I wonder what he thought of me now? Was he mad at me? Scared of me now?

"It was Pakkun, Sasuke," Kakashi began, "who found you dying in an allyway. Dying. I sent him out wondering where you went. I then followed him then brought you here."

Kakashi seemed to be choking on his thoughts, he knew what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how to say it.

"Why, Sasuke? Why would you throw away your life like that? How do you think I'd feel to find my pupil dead by his own hands?"

"Why? I did it because there's nothing in this world for me anymore."

"Are you saying that I'm not something to live for? What about all that training together we've been through? I thought we were friends."

"We are friends," I answered, "but a friend can't take away all this pain I feel. You couldn't possibly understand."

"Maybe I won't understand," he agreed, "but you didn't even give me a chance. Maybe I can begin to understand, but I can't if you don't tell me."

"There's nothing to say!"

"You almost died and you honestly believe there's nothing to say?"

I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing.

Kakashi decided to change the subject. "Was it me who pushed you to the edge to do this?"

"No, it wasn't you," I said, surprised he would ever say that, "it was the world that pushed me over the edge."

"You do realize you're living with me until we can help you cope with your problems, right?"

"Like I have any choice," I spat out venomously.

"Let's go home. We're talk more there," Kakashi told me.

Kakashi then left the room to get a nurse. She unhooked the wires that held me down and took of my oxygen mask. Kakashi then grabbed my arm and poofed us back to his house.

**AT KAKASHI'S HOUSE:**

**Friday, March 20th, 10:22 P.M.**

By the time we got home, I realized how tired I was. Funny, since Kakashi told me I've been out cold for a few hours.

"I'm going to bed," I told Kakashi.

"Okay. But we're going to talk more tomorrow," he forwarned me.

I rolled my eyes. I didn't feel like there was anything to talk about it. I went into the bedroom Kakashi made for me. As soon as I put my head on the pillow, I fell into a sleep full of nightmares.

**Saturday, March 21, 7:58 A.M.**

I woke up with panic. I jolted up to a sitting position in the bed. I was drenched in my own sweat. It was then I realized I was awake and that the nightmare of re-living my parents death wasn't real. I wasn't back there. How many times must I see my parents die? I looked at the clock. 7:58? Damn it, I slept in. I guess Kakashi thought I needed the rest.

Ever since I woke up from the hospital, there was an un-easy feeling within me. The whole time I was unconscious, I couldn't remember anything. I heard that when people are near death, they usually see their loves ones again or angels. Not me. It was as if I was sleeping when I was unconscious. It was just pure darkness, nothing else. Is that what awaited me when I die? Nothing?

I shook these thoughts out of my head and walked into the living room of Kakashi's house. I was so tired yesterday that I didn't notice it, but there was a locked cabinet in the corner of the room. He never had that before I was hospitalized. I'd have to ask him about it. I saw Kakashi sitting down in his chair, reading his favourite book.

"Morning, Sasuke," he greeted.

"Morning," I repeated.

I got straight to the point. "What's up with the new cabinet? I never saw it there before. What's in it?"

Kakashi sighed.

"Kakashi?" I asked again when he didn't answer.

"There's sharp objects and posionous chemicals in there," he answered.

I felt the blood drain from my face. I knew he thought I was going to try to take my life again. That's why he he locked up all things I could hurt myself with. "Oh, is this it? You're going to cage me up like some animal? Like I'm some kind of freak? Never let me out of your sight ever again so I don't hurt myself again? Knowing you, you probably will never let me out of the house by myself for a long time."

"I never said that, Sasuke," he said gently.

"Well, that's what I'm reading from your actions," I hollered at him. "Why not chain me to the bed, too? I'll be more safe that way. How can I live with you suffocating me like this? You're trying to control my life and force me to live a life that I don't want, which is very painful by the way. You are trying to watch me every single moment, giving me no privacy."

"Sasuke..."

"No, Kakashi, just no."

With those words, I ran back to my room. I heard Kakashi calling out for me, but I ignored him. Kakashi never did come into my room. I guess he thought I needed the time alone, which I did. On the dresser of my room, I saw there was a piece of paper and a pen. I took it and wrote a note to Kakashi. I couldn't help but start to cry while writing this note. I was putting all of my feelings on paper, writing to the only person who really cared about me. Wiping my tears away with my hoodie's sleeve, I put the note on my bed. I waited a few minutes to make sure Kakashi wouldn't come to my room to talk to me. I guess he decided to listen to my words and give me some space. When I was sure he wasn't coming anytime soon I went to the window of my room, opened it, and stepped out of the house.

Then I ran to my destination.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**xxdarkness' kidxx **


	15. The Howling Part 2

_**Chapter**_**_ 15: The Howling Part 2_**

_Hello everyone once again! You know, I laughed at two of my reviews I got this chapter, because they both said the same thing - how stubborn I made Sasuke! I actually had one person say in all their years on fanfiction, they never saw someone make Sasuke so stubborn! I'm sorry if you guys don't like that, I just thought that's how the story fits. Thanks for all your reviews, guys, I love them! AND YES! I get to write a dialog for this chapter! Finally! :) _

_- darks_

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**I didn't know what to do. I just had so many problems at once and I didn't know how to deal with them. I had to deal with Kiba. I had to deal with Kakashi on my back. I had an addiction. I had to get revenge yet I'm not strong enough yet. Not to mention, everyone`s expecting so much out of me with my sharingan is a lot of pressure. **

**You see, there is only so much one person can take. Imagine this - there is a person who is carrying too many things at once in his or her arms. So much, that he or she by accident drops all of them. This is just like any person. Except think of the items she's or he's carrying as problems. If a person has too many problems at once, sooner or later that person is going to drop them all and it`s a complete mess. **

**This is what happened to me. Too many problems all at once that just turned into once big mess. I just hope Kakashi can forgive me about how I clean up this mess.**

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**KAKASHI`S POINT OF VIEW:**

It`s been a few minutes since Sasuke and me had our little fight. I gave him a few minutes to calm down, maybe he will talk to me now. I doubted it, but it was worth a try.

I went to his room and knocked on his door. "Sasuke?"

When he didn't answer, I tried knocking again. "Sasuke?"

I opened the door, I wanted to make sure Sasuke was alright, even though it meant invading his privacy. I didn't find Sasuke though, making my heart pound and feel weak in the knees. Instead, I found a letter on his bed.

_Kakashi,_

_I know you don't understand and perhaps you never will. But I feel like I owe it to you to at least try to make you understand._

_I'm tired of living, Kakakshi. There's just too much pain and suffering in life that in the end it's not worth living. Why live when I'm going to die sometime in life anyway? Doesn't that make my life mean nothing? I feel like there's nothing left in this world for me to keep on living. _

_I appreciate you trying to save me, Kakashi, but I hope you realize some people just can't be saved. I know you felt like it was your fault that this happened before, but believe me when I say it wasn't. It's all my fault, my heart can't take anymore._

_I'm sorry I didn't write you a note to say good-bye last time I almost died, but I felt like there was nothing to say. Now that I thought about it, there was plenty to say, and you at least deserve a reason of why I'm doing this and a good-bye. __Please try to understand. Everything in my life is going wrong, and I feel like it's not going to get any better. Kiba won't let me be and it's gotten to the point I realize he won't ever stop. I can't live with all these high expections of others. I can't live not being strong enough to kill Itachi. I just can't take it anymore. I think you're the only one who's going to care I'm dead. Sure, it may hurt for a while, but sooner or later you learn to cope with it and move on without me. I hope one day you can forgive me for taking one last fall._

_Thanks for everything, Kakashi._

_Sasuke Uchia_

Oh my God, it's a suicide note! I read the last line for a second time. "I hope one day you can forgive me for taking one last fall." Does that mean he's going to jump?

I quickly poofed myself to the only cliff side in the village.

There, I saw Sasuke, dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. He was obviously thinking.

"Sasuke, please, think this over," I begged him.

He jumped a little, my voice startling him. I dared not going any closer to him, for I feared the might make him take the jump.

"Stay back, Kakashi." He warned.

"Sasuke, you really are going to leave me behind? You're just going to leave all of us behind so easily? What about us, you think we'll get over your death that easily? You're wrong, I'm not the only one who will care about your death. Naruto and Sakura will be devistated."

"They'll get over it."

"No, they won't. Please believe me, Sasuke."

I knew he could hear the panic in my voice. I knew I wasn't getting through to him.

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for everything."

He turned around to the cliff, lifted his arms up and jumped.

"SASUKE!" I screamed as I heard a sicking crack that I will forever remember.

TIME OF DEATH: Saturday, March 21, 8:31 A.M.

My heart hurt so much from crying so hard. Everyday, I wonder if there was any way I could have saved him. I had failed him. He was so young, he had his whole life ahead of him. Why did he have to end it himself? There was a chance his life could have gotten better. He was wrong about one thing, though. The whole village was in shock over his death and everyone was at his funeral, crying. If he knew the pain he caused all of us, he would have never have taken the jump. He has no clue how disturbed I've become seeing him take his life and being so helpless.

At first, Sasuke was giving off silent howls. No one hear his screams. Then, they turned into howling. Everyone now heard his screaming. Everyone saw his pain now. He now gave his pain to us. At least I hope he's finally at peace with himself.

**THE END.**

_**SOME STUFF ABOUT THE STORY:**_

**Hey everyone, darks here. I hope you enjoyed the story. The reason why I killed Sasuke is because I thought it would make the story more effective. Now, some stuff I wanted to say about the story:**

**1. Please remember the message behind the story. I wrote the story's meaning on most of my chapters. I want people to be more understanding about self-abusers. I AM NOT ENCOURAGING IT. Please remember there is help. You are not in this alone.**

**2. I'm not sure if you guys noticed, but on some dialogs, I wrote in past tense, as if this all ready happened and Sasuke's re-telling the story. I was going to write a sequel where Kakashi goes back in time to save him from killing himself(that's why I wrote the date and time on the story). But I decided it would be too similar so decided against it. **

**Thanks for reading and all the reviews! You guys are awesome! See you next time! **

**xxdarkness' kidxx **


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